1. 9 months ago 

   want.

   if i can back up a few moments and give an update on what my life has been like the last few months, i think i can sum it up in one word - bipolar.

   obviously i’m not bipolar in a medical sense, like at all but lately i’ve had mood swings like a motherfucker. i’ll go from being the happiest i’ve ever been in a group of my friends to being depressed and feeling like a lonely jackass.

   i think what this all boils down to is a single question:

   “what do you want?”

   what do i want? i want a girlfriend. no i don’t, being single is much too fun, being able to do whatever the fuck i want when i’m out a bar is too much fun. one night stands are too much fun. i don’t want to be tied down and restricted in what i can do.

   what do i want? i want to be single. no i don’t, being in a relationship is what i want. all the cutesy shit, having someone always there for you, the stupid fights and making up after. i want that one person to always be there.

   what do i want? i don’t know what i want. right now? i want to be in a relationship. by eight pm tonight, i’m having a going-away party for my friend, i’m gonna want to be single.

   “what. the. fuck. do. you. want.”

   let’s be honest here - i’m too much of a piece of shit to be in a relationship - atleast with who i’ve been the last year or two. a jackass, a prick, a douchebag that’ll do whatever the fuck he wants.

   but let’s be more honest here - those who’ve seen me in a relationship know exactly what i’m like in a relationship. i’m sweet, nice, romantic as all fuck and most importantly, incredibly trustworthy.

   i’m also spiteful, bitter, vengeful and a dick.
   i’m also romantic, sweet, and giving.

   “what do you want?”

   i don’t know. i want to know. but i don’t know.

   i’m the best terrible, romantic, spiteful, sweet person you’ll ever meet.

2. Notes

i post songs that mean a lot to me, talk about hockey and post photos from things that i think are cute. juxtaposition.

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